Matthew Arnold (marnold@ez-net.com)
Thu, 22 Mar 2001 15:52:39 -0600


On Sun, 18 Mar 2001 00:11:19 -0500, you wrote:

>Hey!
>
>I ain't done, but I'm sending this to you to show that I *am* working on
>this durn thing. I think I'm almost done with this first draft. Let me
>know what ya think so far.

Looks pretty good to me, just a couple minor notes.

>Your other special ability is disarming the detpacks of enemy
>Demomen. This can be a tad dangerous, as the timer for the detpack is
>usually set for only 5 seconds. If you don't get to the detpack in
>time, it'll blow, sending you flying through the air in several dozen
>pieces. If you happen to be right next to an enemy Demoman as he's
>laying a detpack, feel free to run over the detpack, disarming it and
>robbing the Demoman of his only detpack.

You say "detpack" three times in this sentence. Maybe change the second one to
"it" and the third to "the only one he has".

>How to Play:
>As the fastest class in the game, you'll be playing offense, which means
>you're the flag runner. It will be your job to run into the enemy base,
>bob and weave through their defense, grab their flag, and hightail it
>outta there to the cap point. Being the weakest class in the game, with
>little to speak of for armament, it is usually an extremely bad idea to
>get into a firefight with the enemy.

It's not usually good to start a sentence with "being". Maybe something like
"Since it is" or "Because it is".

In general I find your writing style fun to read and it makes me want to play
TFC or whatever class you are talking about. That's always A Good Thing.

Matt

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