God of Death (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Sun, 14 Jan 2001 03:58:40 -0000
>HOW STAR WARS WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF IT WERE ANIME
>*Luke would do a lot more screaming.
At least that's better than being whiny. "But I want to go to Toshi Station
to pick up some power convertors!"
>*All the important stuff, like Ben's death, would be repeated three times.
More like fifty times. When Luke sees it for the first time he stands there
with his mouth open and the background changes rapidly (repeating) upward in
>*X-wings and Y-wings would transform, and then combine to form a more
Or turn into robots (i.e. Macross)
>*When Luke lines up on the exhaust port, he hears Ben's voice. Everything
>freezes, tight closeup on one of Luke's eyes as the background goes black.
How true. How true.
>*Fans would draw pictures of a naked Luke and Leia embracing *after* their
>parentage was revealed. In fact, it might not be revealed until after
>they'd slept together (cue the angst).
>*Luke would have black hair, and be a lot more negative.
To use the Force, he would stand there and power up for a half hour. "Now I
am at full power Cell-I mean Vader.
More Nudity and profanity that would be edited out to something really
stupid. (Case in point: Garlic Junior Saga. Garlic Jr: "What are you looking
at you boobs?")
Jabba would be an attractive young man with flowing golden hair until he is
killed off by Han Solo. Also, his dancers would be nude.
>*The American voice actors would be crap, and the subtitled version would
>be more expensive.
>*Series titles would be Star Wars, Star Wars Zeta, and Star Wars Double
>Zeta. People would argue interminably about the time line conflicts.
Then they would have an alien named Elbow Smash.
Instead of regular Jedi clothing, they would wear samurai outfits.
Everyone would have large eyes with many circles in them.
Leia would be hot. And nude.
People would catch and train Ewoks to become a Jedi Master. (gotta catch 'em
all. "Go Wickett! I choose you. Cuteness Death Ray Now!")
"Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky
odors-oh I'll never be the darling of the so-called 'City Fathers' who cluck
their tongues ans stroke their beards, and talk about, 'What should be done
with this Homer Simpson?' "
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